So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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