Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
