I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize