i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
