I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize