you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every concussion has its silver lining
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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