I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
