He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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