so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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