Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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