You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
