She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
