Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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