at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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