Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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