A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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