hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
