we have officially lost it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize