I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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