Don't make out with my wife yet
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
