You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
