i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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