Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
