I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need water and some morals
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
