That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
