It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
