Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
