I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
