I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
