Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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