Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
