I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
