I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just invented taco cereal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
