Sry I called you an 8
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
