just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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