Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
