Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
