It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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