Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
