he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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