made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
