Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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