wat bout pragnant strippers??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
