when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize