I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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