I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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