i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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