I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
