Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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