I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize