i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
