Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
