Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
