I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
