I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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