I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
