Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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