No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do vagina's smell?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
