i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
