You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
