girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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