just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
