Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
