people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
