stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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