suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
