youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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