She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
