There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
