it's like iHOP with fire
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
