im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
