Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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