Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
