So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
