nut hugger
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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