I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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