clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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