I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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