are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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