Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
