Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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