Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish my penis had a tongue
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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