my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
